Jacksonville Defenders Law Enforcement Motorcycle Club

A reminder that April is “Check Your Helmet Month.”

It doesn’t matter what type of helmet you need, motocross, cruising, full face helmet, half helmet, three quarter helmet, modular helmet, flip helmet, it doesn’t matter.  The most important thing is that you are wearing a helmet regardless of whether or not your state has a helmet law or not.  When in the market for a new helmet, pick somebody you can trust.  It is a good idea that you visit a shop and check the fit of the type & brand of helmet you wish to buy.  Then find your best deal online.  Most online companies offer free shipping on helmets. 

As the weather gets warmer and the snow stops falling, riding season starts to swing into high gear! Before you uncover that scooter and perform all your routine maintenance and function tests on your scooter, make sure your helmet is ready for those weekend rides. Better yet, Sturgis is only a few months away. There are a few simple rules to follow to make sure that your helmet is ready for riding:

1. Fit – A helmet must fit properly to be effective, and not all helmets fit the same. A good fitting helmet should rest one inch above your eyebrows and shouldn’t roll forward or sideways on your head. To ensure a comfortable fit, wear a helmet for 15 minutes before making a final buying decision.

2. They don’t last forever – manufacturers and the SNELL Foundation recommend helmets be replaced every three to five years, depending on use. Glues, resins and other helmet materials break down over time and can make a helmet less effective.

3. Keep it clean – a clean and well cared for helmet will protect better and longer. Use a mild soap to wash the outer shell and internal liners. Never use solvents or chemicals for cleaning as they can destroy protective coatings.

4. Mirrors are not hangers – hanging a helmet on a motorcycle’s mirror can damage the impact absorbing liner inside.

Remember, don’t neglect your other gear.  Jafrum provides some of the best prices on the internet for motorcycle apparel and gear. 

What are you waiting for?  Get out there to the garage, uncover that scooter, giver her a good wash while checking to make sure everything works.  Most of all, protect your most prized possession… your head!

322.12  Examination of applicants.–

¹(5)(a)  The department shall formulate a separate examination for applicants for licenses to operate motorcycles. Any applicant for a driver’s license who wishes to operate a motorcycle, and who is otherwise qualified, must successfully complete such an examination, which is in addition to the examination administered under subsection (3). The examination must test the applicant’s knowledge of the operation of a motorcycle and of any traffic laws specifically relating thereto and must include an actual demonstration of his or her ability to exercise ordinary and reasonable control in the operation of a motorcycle. Any applicant who fails to pass the initial knowledge examination will incur a $5 fee for each subsequent examination, to be deposited into the Highway Safety Operating Trust Fund. Any applicant who fails to pass the initial skills examination will incur a $10 fee for each subsequent examination, to be deposited into the Highway Safety Operating Trust Fund. In the formulation of the examination, the department shall consider the use of the Motorcycle Operator Skills Test and the Motorcycle in Traffic Test offered by the Motorcycle Safety Foundation. The department shall indicate on the license of any person who successfully completes the examination that the licensee is authorized to operate a motorcycle. If the applicant wishes to be licensed to operate a motorcycle only, he or she need not take the skill or road test required under subsection (3) for the operation of a motor vehicle, and the department shall indicate such a limitation on his or her license as a restriction. Every first-time applicant for licensure to operate a motorcycle who is under 21 years of age must provide proof of completion of a motorcycle safety course, as provided for in s. 322.0255, before the applicant may be licensed to operate a motorcycle.

(b)  The department may exempt any applicant from the examination provided in this subsection if the applicant presents a certificate showing successful completion of a course approved by the department, which course includes a similar examination of the knowledge and skill of the applicant in the operation of a motorcycle.

(5)(a)  The department shall formulate a separate examination for applicants for licenses to operate motorcycles. Any applicant for a driver’s license who wishes to operate a motorcycle, and who is otherwise qualified, must successfully complete such an examination, which is in addition to the examination administered under subsection (3). The examination must test the applicant’s knowledge of the operation of a motorcycle and of any traffic laws specifically relating thereto and must include an actual demonstration of his or her ability to exercise ordinary and reasonable control in the operation of a motorcycle. Any applicant who fails to pass the initial knowledge examination will incur a $5 fee for each subsequent examination, to be deposited into the Highway Safety Operating Trust Fund. Any applicant who fails to pass the initial skills examination will incur a $10 fee for each subsequent examination, to be deposited into the Highway Safety Operating Trust Fund. In the formulation of the examination, the department shall consider the use of the Motorcycle Operator Skills Test and the Motorcycle in Traffic Test offered by the Motorcycle Safety Foundation. The department shall indicate on the license of any person who successfully completes the examination that the licensee is authorized to operate a motorcycle. If the applicant wishes to be licensed to operate a motorcycle only, he or she need not take the skill or road test required under subsection (3) for the operation of a motor vehicle, and the department shall indicate such a limitation on his or her license as a restriction. Every first-time applicant for licensure to operate a motorcycle must provide proof of completion of a motorcycle safety course, as provided for in s. 322.0255, before the applicant may be licensed to operate a motorcycle.

When we last left our unwitting Taser Tester, he had just pulled the trigger…

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

I’m still looking for my nuts and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

‘If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.’

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5” long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…?

I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ‘don’t do it dipshit,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and …

Wow… Tune in tomorrow to see the hysterical conclusion!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….??

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

 AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So your brain is thinking… Holy Mackeral, I know what is going to happen…

You will have to come back tomorrow to catch Part 2…